Nor Cal Beer Guide

Want to see a Pliny Fight?

2012-01-31T22:23:06Z

Beer Names Breweries Should Be Ashamed Of

2011-12-20T10:16:49Z

I am by no means a sensitive person. I told dead baby jokes to every girl I was interested in and when one finally laughed I put a rock on it. I’ve looked at things online that would make you throw up your kneecaps, caught so many intestinal diseases in the Peace Corps that discussing fecal matter is my second language, and performed surgery on myself with nail clippers on things you do not want to see.

That being said, seeing beers named after genitalia, feces or semen I cannot stomach. I know a funny label goes a long way with free marketing and catches the eye of the casual beer-hunter, but gross labels cross the line and enter the territory of me not wanting to buy the beer. Seeing as how there are now over 1,700 breweries in the United States all trying to come up with a different name for the same style beer I can see the need to be unique, but you will never see me drinking these beers. This list is in no way comprehensive and only constitutes beers I’ve stumbled upon or heard mentioned.

Porter Potty Porter
Made by Hank Is Wiser Brewery in Cheney, KS. I have no idea if it’s good or not and frankly I don’t care. I already have a hard time not thinking about diarrhea every time I drink a Brown Ale, having a Porter named after a shit house just goes too far.

Golden Shower Imperial Pilsner
Made by Dogfish Head, they pulled the name after a few runs and changed the name to Golden Era. Maybe people drinking a pint thought it looked and tasted more and more like urine as the beer warmed up. Nothing like drinking a beer while thinking about being urinated on. (Honorable mention: Rogue’s Yellow Snow)

Pearl Jam Twenty: Faithfull Ale
Dogfish makes the list again. I know it’s not a big deal and most people don’t know what Pearl Jam means, but ever since someone told me in 8th grade that pearl jam meant semen I couldn’t get it out of my head. Linking beer to semen does not make me thirsty. Which brings me to my next beer quite nicely.

Pearl Necklace Oyster Stout
Flying Dog got a lot of good press from their Raging Bitch beer being censored in Michigan, they’re trying to piss off people yet again. A possibly salty beer named Pearl Necklace? No thanks. For those who might not know the term, a pearl necklace is when you cum around someones neck making it look like a necklace. Check out this surprisingly NSFW Wikipedia entry on the subject to learn more. If my Encyclopedia had been like this when I was a kid I would have read it a lot more than I did.

Velvet Merkin
I guess I don’t watch enough Victorian-era movies which showcase these sometimes. A merkin was something women back in the day used to wear as a sort of pubic hair wig. They’d shave to keep away lice and crabs, then put the wig on which could be washed later. It was also used to hide signs of venereal diseases. Bartender! I’ll take two! Firestone has since changed the name to Velvet Merlin but I still hear Merkin.

I’m sure as more brewers get desperate to make their beer unique or sneak in a cultural reference it’ll only get worse. Sweet.

Road Trip: Uncommon Brewers

2011-09-21T04:43:00Z

I've actually been writing more for my friends website than I have my own recently, check out the latest post on Uncommon Brewers in Santa Cruz.

Beer, Religion and Politics Do Not Mix

2011-09-12T21:50:44Z

Going through my RSS feed this morning something caught my eye. David, over at Musings Over a Pint wrote a post about how passages in the Quran are the reason why the Twin Towers were attacked on 9/11/01. You can check out the post here. Oh, and just to warn you, if you comment on the post and it's anything other than pro-that post, it will be deleted and you will be banned from the site.

While we could get into a whole debate on how angry passages in the Quran cause extremism, the thing that caught my eye is that David himself seems to be an extremist Christian. I could go into how there are just as many if not more violent passages in the Bible than there are in the Quran, point to the Inquisition, the Curch helping Nazi's identify Jews in their community in Germany, or countless other evil things Christianity did and continues to do to our world. And yet his criticism of the Bible is non-existent.

I am always surprised when people mix politics and religion with their work. If I see an auto parts store that publishes on their website how Obama is really Kenyan, I'll avoid that store. Similarly, if I had a company and had a bumpersticker saying how Palin is the anti-christ, I'd expect people on the other end of the spectrum to do the same.

With how loving and friendly the beer community is, this website was really a shock to the system. You never hear the Trappist Monks screaming about how suicide damns people to hell, or that abortion is murder, imagine if they put that on their bottle. What I'm trying to say is that religion and politics do not belong in craft beer. I hope David can find the peace and serenity of not being so angry all the time and enjoy a pint of beer with everyone in our community, not just the extremists.

Cheers mate.

STRESS

2011-06-04T00:23:25Z

Holy crap guys, I am in need of a strong beer right about now. I just moved from swanky Rockridge in Oakland back to my home town of Canyon up in the Oakland Hills. I'm so stressed out I think my stress level just reached a plateau and is hovering a full max. Here's the deal:

Moving from a one-bedroom dank apartment to a three-bedroom house means I need a real bed, tools, food, and basically everything one needs with a regular house.

Fixing up the house with everything from a laundry line to power-washing and treating the deck to future projects (like an Indiana Jones type rope bridge).

Buying a car because I now live in the middle of nowhere and I refuse to bike in the rain. Okay, the car stress was my own fault. I could have gotten a reliable truck for the money I paid, but instead I opted for a 1970 FJ40 Land Cruiser (who wouldn't, right?). It needs a parking brake, I want to switch it to disc, and power steering would be nice.

Oh, and did I mention my house is up a dirt trail? Moving heavy objects is no fun but I am burning off all that baby-beer fat.

I figure I'll be feeling a lot better about two weeks from now and I'll stop being so agro all the time. League curling and softball are great releases.

Will I ever have a 'Usual?'

2011-04-27T01:04:20Z

I was sitting at Ben and Nick's in Oakland with my buddy Lucas today drinking a beer when a guy walks in and asks for his usual. There are 20 different awesome beers on tap at this place, and this guy gets the same beer every time. This just seemed crazy to me.

Don't get me wrong, if you know you like something, go with it. I generally always get Sweet and Sour Pork at Chinese restaurants since there's a safe bet it's going to be tasty (kinda hard to screw that dish up and it tastes great!). But I feel that beer doesn't fall into that 'usual' category. Sure if your favorite bar has only three beers that never change I'd probably stick with one I liked the best, but I can't imagine walking into Toronado for instance and ordering a Racer 5. A safe bet? Yes. But I'm at a freakin' beer bar.

Do you walk into Willy Wonka's Factory and ask for M&M's? Do you drive through Napa to get a case of Two-Buck Chuck? No, you get something you've never had before, something that could be amazing, regular, or quite possibly terrible.

Then again, there's something to be said for having a regular beer that you like. Maybe you have tried everything and this is the one you keep finding yourself back at. Maybe it brings back memories from when you first got into craft beer. In a way, your beer is like ordering McDonald's in a foreign country; it's a slice of home, something that you're familiar with.

Will I ever have a regular? I tell you, sometimes there's so much to choose from it can be overwhelming and you feel like retreating to a regular beer. I hope I never get to the point where I only have one beer as my backup, but who knows, only time will tell.

Um, Does Anyone Have $4,400 I Can Have?

2011-04-12T16:54:50Z

Surfing the interwebs last night I came upon this modern marvel of homebrewing. The Williams Warn Personal homebrewer machine-type thingy. It's beautiful.

This machine (which runs around $4,400 US) is made in New Zealand and purports to make quality beer in just seven days. Ian Williams has spent five years working at a major brewery in New Zealand making Tui (a great beer for watching rugby) and is the first Master Brewer in New Zealand and the youngest person to achieve this title. Engineer Anders Warn brought the idea to Williams hoping to add his brewing expertise to the set-up.

I can't attest to the beer that comes out or how it's made, but the thing is a sight to see. What a beaut. The whole thing looks easy to clean, easy to operate, and even the tap handle and refrigeration unit is a part of the design. It's like having a brewhouse in your place without all the mess, boiling, straining, and mind-numbing tedium. Want.

Bryan Stow Fundraiser at Tied House Monday

2011-04-08T21:57:35Z

For those of you who might not know, SF Giants fan Bryan Stow was attacked at a Dodgers Game down in L.A. about a week ago suffering a head injury which left him in critical condition. After they punched him in the back of the head, they kicked him after he lost consciousness for 15 seconds. They had to medically induce a coma and operate on his skull to relieve pressure from the swelling of his brain. He's a father of two and a paramedic in Santa Clara County.

While the hunt is on for his attackers ($100,000 reward offered), the outcry over the beating has been widespread; seems just about everyone is shocked at what happened. They honored him at the Opening Ceremony today and organizations from all over are organizing fundraisers for his family and for his medical costs.

Tied House Brewing down in Mountain View is having a fundraiser composed of pretty much all the breweries down in the South Bay (Faultline, Firehouse, Rabbits Foot, Jacks, Los Gatos, and Rock Bottom) at their place from 6pm-10pm this coming Friday for the Giants-Dodgers game. Entry will cost $15 which gets you three full-sized pints of beer, some ballpark-style appetizers, a meet and greet with employees from the attending breweries, and you get to watch the game as well. 100% of the proceeds will go to The Bryan Stow Family Fund.

I highly suggest you make it, enjoy the game, wear any team shirts you want (even the Dodgers), and help make this a night of helping Stow's family recover from this tragic event. For more details check out the following website. Hope to see everyone there.

Regarding the InBev Buyout of Goose Island

2011-03-30T18:36:49Z

All you people saying the Goose Island buyout is no big deal or will only benefit consumers by making the beer cheaper need to get your head checked. This is a HUGE deal. A craft brewer has sold out to the biggest conglomerate of beer in the world. To say this in a non-event is just sticking your head in the sand.

People love craft beer not only for the taste but for the community. It's this community that InBev is attacking, hence the outrage from so many. Every brewery has its own identity and personality and InBev is just a monster, sucking up everything in its path. If we don't take a stand as craft beer drinkers by speaking with our wallets against this force then we may as well give up on this whole craft beer experiment that's been going to well these last 30 years.

You need to look at the company itself and choose if its ideals are what you want to think about when you're drinking their beer. Do you want to support a company that has used scare tactics, illegal maneuvers, and buying power to make life for smaller breweries so difficult? Do you want to show the industry it's okay to give up, that most will soon be owned by a few large companies like the wine industry? Or do you want to support a community that has been built up from the ground as a fight against corporate beer.

Imagine if InBev bought New Belgium, or Lagunitas, or Rogue. How would that change your perspective on these breweries? If all your favorite spots just kept getting nabbed up by these larger companies, what then?

The thing for me is political only. I could care less if the beer they make at Goose Island is the best goddamn beer I'll ever have. I will not buy it. It may not make sense to you all, but it makes sense to me. I don't buy corporate beer and neither should you.

Sierra Nevada Sustainability Report

2011-03-18T06:45:42Z

I have a green heart, I grew up in a green household, lived a green childhood, and am trying to graduate with a green MBA. So when I got an email from Cheri Chastain, their Sustainability Coordinator I just about crapped my pants. The subject line? "Sierra Nevada Releases First Sustainability Report." I got so excited I immediately emailed it to everyone that went on the tour with me. As someone who was bummed that Sierra Nevada ranked so low in sustainability in a recent Greenopia rating, I am so glad they are finally getting the word out about their efforts.

Anyways, check out the tour I took for a lot of information about their sustainability actions or check out the report itself which is way more comprehensive and mind-boggling. They not only bought the first hybrid semi truck, but they also installed a rail line for transportation, a composter for their restaurant, solar panals everywhere, fuel cells, bio diesel, heat recovery systems, and a whole host of other amazing actions. Shit, they even toyed with returnable bottles.

Catch the whole report here, it's good reading. Great work Ken! I hope the green world finally recognizes what you're doing for the environment.